Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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