Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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