dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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