you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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