i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
