i would punch a child for taco bell
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
