in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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