He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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