I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
