Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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