Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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