Nicole vs. Life
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
