I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
