I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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