so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
