YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's always time for handjobs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
