I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
