And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We need to get me chipped asap
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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