No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
