i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
