I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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