I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
