I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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