well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
