I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
