The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
