She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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