I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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