I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
