Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The best revenge is premature balding
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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