Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
