i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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