peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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