Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
