I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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