I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize