): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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