The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
