Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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