I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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