VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
