I didn't shave. On purpose
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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