In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
