The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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