worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
