I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
