based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
