I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
