just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
