So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
