I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
