Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
