why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
