She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
