Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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