I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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