I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
