I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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