i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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