How'd it feel making her break her religion?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
