There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
