New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
