I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we're making bets on your personal life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
