Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
