So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
