its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
