Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Jerry, you need to find god
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
