Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
