Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
