addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
