Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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