allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
