can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
