Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
