So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
