The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
