oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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