well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have aggressive nipples.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize