i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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