i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
